Marriage Hurts but Marriage Heals

Marriage is the most difficult and beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Both hard and easy at the same time. Sounds impossible right? But it’s true. I find marriage both as natural as breathing and as difficult as rock climbing rope free up a 750 foot mountain (that escalated quickly).

Marriage, how I understand it, is the unification of spirit and flesh; two spirits and flesh becoming one. That’s why in the flesh marriage hurts; and in the spirit, your marriage can heal.

My husband and I just recently went through one of those “fun” growing times together. Personal struggles and relational struggles came together to a pinpoint which led to a perfect storm of tension and conflict.

The hurts of marriage come when one flesh fights against itself, injuring the other part as if it were somehow separate. Harsh words, wrong thoughts, selfish actions, all of these come against the flesh of your marriage and attempt division and anger.

Satan is against your marriage from the start, I hope you know that. That’s not to cause fear or trepidation, but it is to cause you to be on alert and stop treating your marriage so trivially. He wants to divide and conquer; divide the marriage, conquer the family. And all we have to do is look at divorce rates to know that he is somewhat succeeding.

I believe it’s because so often we live in the hurt factor of marriage without ever touching the healing portion. We allow the fleshy part to rule over the spiritual and then wonder why our “godly” marriage pictures that of the world.

We got to the pinpoint and realized that it was time to fight back. We put the baby to bed, came together and battled in prayer. We asked for forgiveness from one another, we confessed our sins to one another, and we reminded one another of our vows and love.

And although there had been hurt, surrending the fleshy part of our marriage to God, allowed for His hand to come in and bring about the most beautiful healing my spirit has ever felt.

Tears, smiles, kisses, and redemption all met together there in complete surrender. It was a glorious moment in our marriage I know we will remember forever. All it took was surrender; surrender of pride, surrender of bitterness, surrender of expectations. All of it, tossed into the hands of the One Who carries us.

I say all of this to bring hope to the broken marriage or the single person afraid of taking that step into marriage.

Amidst a world that only highlights the brokenness of such a holy covenant, there is another side of complete restoration and redemption that is available as well.

I’m not here to say my marriage is perfect and we are doing everything right (obviously). What I am saying is after a week of trying to do it all on our own and in the flesh, we found it was so much more beautiful to hand it over to the Father.

So take that step of surrender. Confess your sins against your spouse, whether that’s bitterness, anger, unfaithfulness. Request forgiveness and make sure to forgive. Remember why you chose marriage and love and continue in it. And let God do His beautiful work in your lives.

Happy homemaking is about making your home happy and holy. And a strong marriage will do the trick! Love you guys!

(Our Not so) Happy Halloween: Letting Go of Expectations

What a happy family….. you think!

So I promised to be real and share the good, the bad, and the ugly. So I will be sharing my Halloween story. This picture looks like a cute little family, in their cute little costumes, all happy and put together. What you don’t see is a mama on her brink of psychosis, a husband who has heard her griping all day being forced to wear blush, and a baby who is STILL teething and actually not crying for two seconds (or ripping off his hat). 


As mamas, wives, humans in general, sometimes we have these expectations about the way things should go. Our marriages should be chalk full of romance all the time, our children should always be clean and happy, and most of all, our holidays should be smooth experiences full of laughter, smiles, and cute babies who willingly wear costumes and cooperate. Having these expectations isn’t necessarily a wrong thing, but what you will notice if you haven’t already, they lead to a big stumbling block: disappointment. 

Yesterday was quite disappointing at first; I won’t lie. I had all of these dreams and visions about John’s first Halloween going so well and being full of the best memories. My Halloween can be summed up in the following ways: last minute wardrobe malfunctions (literally sewing a new costume for John because Amazon sent me a 2T), a crying baby who would NOT cooperate because of teething, my skirt tearing as I try to pick up the crying baby, and just a general sense of chaos to be honest. 


For a moment I told Tyler, “You know what, let’s just stay home. I don’t want to do this anymore!” Luckily I have a husband who can keep his cool in the midst of chaos (thank God) who didn’t let my spoiled outburst ruin the day completely. 


See I almost let expectations take a memory away from us. Whether the memory is perfect or perfectly messy, it is still a memory that is precious to our home! Without the chaos and crying baby (who cried the whole time in the car by the way), I wouldn’t have the perfect moment captured in my head when I glanced over at my gnome-dressed husband in the car, him looking back, and us simply smiling at each other at the humor of the moment. 


I say all of this to say, once I let go of expectations I actually enjoyed the rest of the night. I got to enjoy popcorn, watch Hocus Pocus, and relax a little. It’s okay for us to begin letting go of expectations. Those we have of God, our spouses, our children, even of ourselves. It is okay to let life unfold the way it is and simply enjoy the moments we have! God is clear on what expectations we should have, which is expectations of His goodness to us (Philippians 1:20; Psalm 5:3).


Disappointment in collapsed expectations give us a false sense that our life is not good; and this is not true. If you have your family together, full bellies, and a roof over your head, your life is good! We have to take the pressure off of ourselves of life having to be so put together and perfect, and let life happen as humor-filled and unperfect as it wishes. So I leave you with two things: the Word of God and pictures of my Halloween reality to encourage you if your day didn’t go as planned. Happy Halloween and happy homemaking! 


“We wait [expectantly] for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For in Him our heart rejoices, because we trust [lean on, rely on, and are confident] in His holy name. Let Your [steadfast] lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us, in proportion as we have hoped in You.” Psalm 33:20-22 AMP

Reality