Yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary with my husband. Two years to many is not a lot, but every year I get with him is a marker of God’s faithfulness to me.
You see, it was hard for me to be married, because taking that step of trust in someone was something of a mountain for me. I was single for a very long time because of fear; fear of being hurt, fear of making the wrong choice, fear of being vulnerable, the list goes on.
I was so afraid that fear would take away my hope for marriage (I know, ironic right?). But God’s plans for our lives always prevail; and He is faithful to answer our prayers and deliver us from fear and anxiety. When Tyler came into my life, I listened to fear first. “Don’t go out with him; you’ll get hurt”; “What if he is not ‘the one'”; “It hasn’t worked out with anyone else, what’s the point in trying?”. This was before I even met the poor guy. So I stopped talking to him for a couple of weeks. As usual.
Then one day, I came across his picture and my heart fluttered with disappointment. I had blown it again. But I heard the voice of God so clearly say, “What if that is your husband, and you are going to let fear stop you?”
You see up to that point, fear had taken so many things from me. My peace, my joy, my hope. Was I going to let it take this away from me too? Finally, my stubbornness rose up in me and I said, “No. Not this time.” I texted him and it was set in stone. We went on our first date in May and were married in November of the same year. Too fast, you say? Not to me. Because he was the answer to every single prayer I ever said.
So what has being married to you, Tyler, meant to me?
You have taught me that love can be unconditional. I thought only God could love me that way. Yet, here you are, loving me through the hardest of times. When I’m stubborn, unlovable, mean, sad; when I accept the lies that I am unworthy, unsexy, untouchable. You are there, still loving me.
When the world and my mind tell me that I’m not worth fighting for; you’re there, fighting for me. When everyone else would have thrown me away, you’re picking me back up. When I get my eyes off of God and on my self, you lift my chin back up to Him.
When I don’t know a tender word or a soft touch, there you are, loving me so tenderly.
You, my husband, are the light of Jesus in my life. You preach the gospel to me with the grace and mercy you extend to me every day.
I don’t understand with my mind why you would have chosen to marry someone like me. And that is why I know you were sent to me from a God Who loves to give gifts that we don’t deserve.
So, my love, what has being married to you taught me? That hope in this life can be restored. Broken minds and hearts can be mended. And that love, marriage, romance, does not have to die. When a marriage is handed over to God every second of every day, it is possible to have fulfillment, and joy, and love.
So thank you, Tyler, for allowing God to use you to restore this broken soul. That had lost a lot of hope in what this life had to offer.
I love you. And I love living this life with you. Thank you.