I’m Tired: A Mommy Monologue

I’m laying in the bath, candle lit, writing this with tears in my eyes. Nothing “big” or “bad” happened today. It was a normal day of waking up early, diaper changes, bottle feedings, two baths, exploration of new foods, messy high chairs, laundry, toys scattered everywhere, new discoveries, chasing a hyper boy around, teething, falling down, laundry, cooking, cleaning… the list goes on and on.

That’s what a usual day looks like here at the Richards’ house but today I am just…. tired. I feel at my end and my limit. I feel like I have said nothing else today but “No no John,” “Don’t do that, John” “Come here baby” “Please don’t hit” “Don’t throw your food” “Don’tdrink the bath water”. So many NOs and not a lot of YAYs. As I got him ready for bed I just was so ready for him to be asleep so I can enjoy a minute of quiet.

And then overwhelming guilt hits me like a punch in the gut because I realized all day I haven’t got to enjoy John because I feel like I have had to discipline and parent. Instead of giggles and cuddles, today was a bunch of pitching fits and yelling. It doesn’t help that I was reminiscing all of his newborn pictures and videos last night either; making me miss those days of hectic quiet, coos, and soft cuddles.

Parenting is not easy. It is a never ending battle of wanting to slow time down and soak in every moment to please let this day hurry so I can enjoy some peace and quiet.

Time has moved so quickly lately. John is almost 10 months old and my heart is breaking. There really isn’t a point to my post except just to share what I’m feeling, which is raw feelings of sadness, exhaustion, immense love and joy, all at the same time.

But I think that’s what motherhood is; high elation and low valleys. Tears and laughs, smiles and frowns, yelling and praising. I know there will be more days like today; where I feel more like the principle from Matilda (bun included) than the teacher who comes in and saves the day with sunshine and giggles.

But that’s okay, because I wanted this and I love this. And its also okay to be exhausted and tired and frustrated in the midst of all that you wanted. Sometimes we feel so pressured to not seem “ungrateful” that we go along steaming up inside until we boil over.

You’re allowed to feel emotions, you’re allowed to miss the times when it was just you and you could do whatever you wanted, you’re allowed to crave solitude and maybe even a vacation where it’s just you, a beach, and a bible. When we strive to fit this perfect “mom” picture, the instagram mom, who always seems to have it together and enjoy every second of motherhood, then we find ourselves trying to fit a triangle into an oval; it’s impossible (yes, even my analogies now involve baby toys).

So, I just wanted to share with you mamas (and daddys) out there that, I am so tired. And I feel like poo for yelling today a lot. And I’m crying in the bath tub, simultaneously enjoying my quiet and fighting the urge to go wake the baby up for cuddles and kisses.

And I want to encourage you in this season, that you’re not alone. And God sees what you do for your family every day. And God sees your grateful heart thats just a little weary at the moment. And God wants to take away the shame that’s trying to tell you you’re not good enough for your family. And God wants to wrap you in His arms and tell you everything is alright and a new day starts tomorrow. And God wants to let you know He can carry you through the tough days as much as He’s present in the beautiful days. I want to encourage you to take a breath, start again, and truly try and savor these moments.

Parenting is hard. Motherhood is hard. Humaning is hard. But life is beautiful, messy, and amazing. So if you are like me, in the tub exhausted, tired, crying, and guilty. Stop it. Breath in. Pray for strength. And smile at this crazy, silly, beautiful life God has picked for us to live. Love you guys. Happy homemaking!

5 Things I Wish I did not Buy for my New Baby

Having a new baby is such an amazing time of preparation! A time full of excitement, anxiousness, and pure joy! It can also be a time full of lots of questions, especially if it’s your first baby or your first baby in a while! What do I need? What does baby need? What is worth spending my money on?

Having a new baby is an easy time to spend a lot of money on things that may not be necessary. I made a list of The Top 5 Things I Loved for my New Baby and many found it helpful! I thought, you know what, I’ll share the 5 things I wish I hadn’t of spent money on too! Maybe that will help as well! So in case you’re wondering what I personally found not necessary to purchase, then hopefully this helps you!

As with my top 5 list of things I loved, this is very personal! So if you have a different opinion, that’s totally fine! Not to mention, each baby is different in what they like! So it’s possible for one baby to not need something and another baby to need it!

1. Baby Shoes under 12 months

Okay, I know this one is hard because baby shoes are the sweetest thing that have ever been invented! HOWEVER. In total honesty, I cannot even tell you one time that John has successfully worn a pair of shoes since he has been born. When he was little he wore some booties (made of fabric) but when it comes to actual shoes – yeah that didn’t work.

So many people would pay tons of money on name brand shoes for a baby who will outgrow them in literally 2 weeks. And if you have a baby with a massive monster foot like my baby… all the shoes you have will be too small before you even have a chance to put them on him! So, when next baby comes around, one thing I will not buy will be shoes.

Now when walking begins and shoes are a little more sturdy, then I will purchase shoes for John. But until then, just don’t do it. Unless you want to spend 10 minutes re-putting shoes on your baby who continuously kicks them off.

2. Receiving Blankets

Okay so this one may be controversial BUT this is just my experience! Let me tell you why it isn’t necessary to purchase lots of receiving blankets. I have about 10 blankets neatly rolled up in the top drawer of his changing table and I can count on 3 fingers how many times I have used one.

John wasn’t into being swaddled so I didn’t need them for that. He was gifted SO many blankets at his baby shower that I had tons of comfy ones he preferred. Honestly, receiving blankets are way too expensive for the little amount of use that they actually get. Now, many of you will still get some at your baby shower! So if you don’t feel like returning them you can always keep them in your baby bag and use them for public restrooms! I just never really used them so I wish I wouldn’t have spent money on them.

Also the hospital gave us the classic white receiving blanket with the pink and blue stripe, so we kept that for memories!

3. Newborn-Sized Clothes

Now this is for those who have bigger babies in their families. Luckily, I didn’t spend a dime on newborn clothes but was handed down a whole bag full! John was over 8 pounds when he was born and 21.5 inches long, so he really could only wear newborn clothes for maybe a week or two? Had I spent a ton of money on newborn clothes, I would have been very upset! Now if you have preemie babies or small babies run in your family, then it may be worth the money! But I definitely recommend finding cheaper, already used clothes for your baby because they grow out of the sizes so quickly!

Definitely do not spend tons of money on clothes for your new baby! Go by what season your baby will be born and buy maybe 3-5 onesies, cotton pants, zip-up pajamas, and maybe one or two fancy outfits. That’s really all you need!

4. Bumbo Baby Seat

So, many of you who have babies probably loved your bumbo seat! That’s fine! With John, I never really used it at all. His legs were chunky from day 1 and this chair always squeezed him too tightly. It also runs brand new at about 60 bucks, so to pay that for about 5 uses just wasn’t worth it for me.

I definitely won’t use in the future for any more babies because we have chunky, big babies. But you may like it! This is just one of those purchases that wasn’t worth the money for us!

5. Loud Expensive Toys

You’ve probably heard this one before but I will reiterate it! DO NOT buy all kinds of noisy, room-taking-up toys for your new baby. When they start playing around and crawling, they are much more interested in random objects in your house rather than toys.

The toys that have been worth the purchase are just basic toys like balls, blocks, and stuffed animals. Things that John can bite on and easily put in his mouth and hold in his little hands. He may hit a noisy toy once and then moves on to something else. Luckily, we were gifted and passed down toys so I didn’t spend too much, but had I spent a ton of money on these toys I would have been sad!

So that’s my short list of things I wish I would not have bought for a new baby. There’s many other little things but these were the 5 that I mostly think would be helpful! I hope this helps in your journey for answers! Happy homemaking!